Men are from Mars, except John Stamos, who eats yogurt.

If food had gender, women would be yogurt and chocolate.

The yogurt culture (pun intended) is particularly odd. For whatever reasons, yogurt has been marketed less as a healthy food and more as a means of  Girl Power. Women eat yogurt as a socialization technique, diet technique, and party technique. Sarah Haskins’ video a few years back is probably the best there is on the bizarre culture of yogurt. It’s not just dairy, it’s socioeconomics and guilt.

Later, along came the Saturday Night Live video which did a spoof of Jamie Lee Curtis’ television advertisements for Activia yogurt.

After showing this video to my friend, the “I made a mistake, I need to go to my trailer” became one of the inside jokes we have and is also responsible for making us laugh whenever we see yogurt. And, of course, it has made it impossible for me to remain quiet whenever an Activia commercial comes on the TV.

“Oh, Jamie Lee Curtis, how your star has fallen,” I said as the commercial played. “You were the hotness in movies, you battled Michael Myers, and now you’re hawking yogurt as a digestive aid.”

In the commercial, she was sitting on a couch with some ladies, talking about their bathroom successes.

“She’s probably making a ton of money,” my friend said.

“Yeah, probably. It’s just like on ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’,” I said. “Every time a woman sh–”

“JULIE!”

“–Jamie Lee Curtis gets ten cents.”

While commercials are generally quite hilarious when you extract yourself from their familiarity and really consider the scenarios they are using to sell a product, I can’t think of anything more ridiculous than the idea that someone would form an Activia digestive support group where women would gather and discuss difficulties in being regular and how yogurt changed their lives.

All of this explains my confusion over Oikos yogurt and its spokesman, John Stamos. High in protein, it’s a favorite yogurt of a few of my guy friends who are exercise nuts, but those commercials aren’t really pushing the “guys can eat it too, it has lots of protein” angle. They’re still using the angle of it as a woman food, with Stamos using it to get chicks.

It’s a cultured dairy product. Stop with the nonsense.

I have nothing against yogurt, by the way.

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