It's okay to skip the big New Year Resolutions and just make small changes in your regular life instead.
Welcome to the end of the year and the almost start of a new one, that special time you can look back and think about all the big plans and habits that fell apart somewhere before June.
Maybe that’s just me.
As you may know, if you’re a regular reader, I don’t do New Year Resolutions because I have enough internal warfare that I don’t need to feed the Failure Monster. Other writers and thought leaders have said this in a more erudite manner but who wants someone to lead your thoughts, anyway?
In a world of Self Help Seize Your Own Success Bootstrap Everything, this negation of New Year Resolutions—which tend to be Big Changes, which I’ll talk about in a bit—seems like bad advice, but I often give out bad advice so I’m unconcerned.
One thing I try to do each year, either at the end of it or at the sorta-near-start of the next one, is to assess my business goals and plans. I go somewhere, like a coffee shop or hotel lobby if I’m traveling (to get out of the usual work setting at home). I start with a prayer, asking God to guide me. I have a notebook; I sit down, write down all kinds of ideas—ideas for books, art projects, blog post themes I’d like to explore, subscriber goals, website changes, etc.—narrow them down to just a few, and then hand them over to God and ask him to open and close doors and help me accept it.
I don’t know if that’s a weird mashup between the hard-pushing, goal-orientated people and relying on God or what it is. But it’s what I do. In the same way it’s useful to write down your prayer requests, date them, and then look back to see what God has done, this planning process has been helpful over the years, not just for thinking ahead but also for looking back. I spot patterns (the same projects and ideas keep popping up) and surprises (God actually helped me meet that goal!).
But.
We’re a few days from the end of the year, and the blogosphere is full of useful wrap-ups, round-ups, and looking forwards. If I were to offer advice for the coming year for anyone, including myself, the top of the philosophical list would be:
Stop worshipping work. Be done with hustle culture, girl-boss culture, and anything that turns wearying burnout into the virtue signal of choice. Work, move your body, and clean something in your house each day, but don’t worship work and think you’re earning your way to heaven or wealth because you work hard.
Stop being lazy. Don’t be surprised by your situation in life that may require you to work in ways you didn’t think you’d have to. No one “arrives” at a point in life where they shouldn’t be expected to work in some form, either in the home or outside of it. God made us to work six days a week.
But those are kind of vague ideological struggles to deal with. More practical advice, something direct and tangible, is useful for the real person. Instagramish vagaries are fine for the feed, but they don’t generally translate into actual action.
Generally, the big habits we aim for are changes in physical health, financial health, mental health, and spiritual health. They are also tough habits to make.
So I made a list. It’s in no particular order.
They’re not huge or overwhelming.
They’re little changes you can make in your regular day without too much fuss. They are the little cousins of those big habits we are told (and know) we should create but haven’t managed to do so yet because we try to climb mountains without climbing over the boulder field at the base first.
They aren’t difficult.
But they are also things that, over time, might inspire you to do more or, at least, create actual changes in your body, mind, and soul.
So just pick three. That’s it. Small changes over time is all we’re going for.
Limit TV and screen time as much as possible. I’ve been doing no more than two hours (two shows, or one movie) a night, with Friday and Saturday nights unlimited.
Work for your screen time. In the evening, put your phone or tablet upstairs or at the other end of the house so you have to get up and move around if you want to doom scroll. Set up arbitrary rules, such as it can’t be within reach after 5 p.m. or something that works for you.
Put books or magazines within easy reach. If you want to read more, put them next to your recliner or, uh, by the toilet. I like books with short essays so I can read in short spurts to supplement the longer bouts of reading.
Deal with your dirty dishes. Today’s dirty dishes shouldn’t carry into tomorrow in the sink or on the furniture. If every day has a mess that goes into the next day, it’s like compounding interest. It really builds up.
Go to bed earlier. Get more sleep at night, as best you can, and sleep less during the day if possible. Sleeping all day is a sign of physical or mental health problems. There is nothing wrong with a nap now and then (keep it under 30 minutes), but sleeping away hours of the day is not normal.
Whenever you walk into the kitchen, drink some water before you do anything else, even if it’s just a few sips. I leave a cup by the sink, and I use it throughout the week to do this. It’s always there, easy to fill in the faucet. You don’t have to have an elaborate hydration plan or expensive cup. Just make yourself a deal that if you’re in the kitchen, you’ll drink a bit of water first.
Go out for a walk around the neighborhood or down the road several times a week. You don’t have to check your heart rate or feel the burn or hit some mindless goal that a digital device tells you to meet. Just enjoy moving your body. Maybe pray for people as you’re out walking.
Do a basic housecleaning at least once a week. For me, this is vacuuming (great exercise, by the way), cleaning the kitchen, putting things back where they go, and clearing the dining room table as much as possible. It might look different for you. It helps you discover stuff you can throw, makes you feel like you’re staying on top of a growing mess, and is good exercise.
Try to eat more fruits and vegetables. You know you’re supposed to. We all know that. Do the best you can and get some green stuff inside you. It doesn’t have to be organic, prepared in a fancy way, perfectly fresh. Just get some plants inside of you even if it’s frozen vegetables you nuked in a microwave. I like to have a cored and sliced apple every night while I’m watching TV. It’s crunchy, sweet, and has lots of good stuff in it.
Don’t eat to close to bedtime. I found I sleep better if I stop eating a few hours before bedtime. To make it easier, I just got in the habit that once it hits 8 p.m., I don’t eat anymore unless I’m out with friends or family or there’s a special event. Then I don’t sweat it and just enjoy.
Reduce who you listen to. Don’t let anyone put their rigid rules of food, diet, exercise, personal care, work, or success on you. Stop following those people on social media, too.
Do small exercises during regular activity or waiting times. When I’m waiting for the electric kettle to boil, I do leg lifts to help with balance, muscle strength, and general exercise. 20 each leg. In line at the checkout, I do what my chiropractor recommended: stand up on tip toes first, then back on your heels for balance practice. I might look stupid but I’m over the hill and don’t care. Balance is something that disappears as you get older. Use it or lose it.
Read your Bible. Even if it’s only a little bit each day. Don’t let someone shower you with guilt over your translation, the depth or method of how you study—just let God know you want to be in His word and ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand and build a desire in you to read more. See where it takes you.
Stop thinking of what you can’t do and instead focus on what you don’t do. Any diet or exercise plan with lists or rules divvied up between yes/no can/can’t is an immediate fail for me. All I can think about is what I can’t do. That’s the white bear problem. I read years ago that instead of thinking in terms of what you can’t do, think of who you are and who you want to be and think in terms of what you don’t do if you’re a person like that. “I’m someone who wants to be more healthy, so I don’t eat cake every day” is very different from “I can’t have cake anymore.” It flips a negative to a positive, helps realign identity, and also leaves room for treats and enjoyment. I don’t always get this right, particularly when I’m stressed (see also: the entire year of 2024). But at the very least it helps avoid the use of never, the terror of that (“I’ll never have chocolate again, only kale!”), and in terms of food or entertainment or some other habit I’m working on, I say, “I’m not going to do that today, but I can do it tomorrow or on the weekend and will just wait until then,” and it works.
When shopping online, never buy the day you put stuff in your shopping cart. Just like I generally regret writing-and-publishing a blog post in one fell swoop (boy do I say dumb stuff), it’s kind of like “draft” shopping. Wait a few days. Especially if the products are things you read about in a newspaper or saw online. You’ll probably wonder why it’s even in there in a week or two.
Avoid visiting stores to pass time because it’s expensive. Stores don’t have a lot for you to do that doesn’t involve money. A library, a park—these are places you can enjoy without spending money. I get it; sometimes there’s not a lot to do and walking through a store is about all you have. But you’ll spend money more easily unless you have the self-control to just look.
Avoid paying later. Don’t make payments on purchases, especially consumables. The financial people will wisely tell you to always pay up front and pay the credit card bill off each month. This isn’t easy, particularly in this economy. But make every effort to, even if it’s only 1/3 of the time. Just try. See #15 if this is a real challenge.
The nice thing about this weird little list is that, just by choosing three easy little changes, you can target a bigger change you want to make. For example:
1, 5, 10 if you're having sleeping issues.
4, 8, 12 if you have an overly messy house and also want to encourage more exercise.
5, 11, 13 if you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
6, 7, 12, or 5, 8, 10 if you want to lose weight or improve physical mobility.
9, 10, 14 if you're trying to get your eating under control.
1, 2, 11 if you're trying to reduce addiction to screens.
3, 11, 13 if you're trying to change who is influencing how you think.
15, 16, 17 are for those trying to get spending and finances under control.
Think of those like “recipes,” the ingredients that make up the bigger finished habit.
I often jump right to the big change and fail because I forget the big change starts much earlier with smaller changes. So I’m going to do this along with you because, like all of my blog posts, I’m writing to myself as much as anyone.
And of course, I must sign off for this year in a proper way.
I’d say happy new year, but even better than fleeting happiness, I want for you a joy-filled new year where you are surprised by the joy and peace that comes from Jesus Christ in places it would otherwise not have been. Because we know those hard places are coming like they do each year, and while I can’t help you avoid them, I can tell you Who will walk with you through them.
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26, NIV)
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